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The Beginning

This story starts back in 2019–2020, when a girl named Ksenia came to school. It was the first of September, third grade. The teacher announced that three new boys would be joining the class. Ksenia didn't care much—until they walked into the room. One of them immediately caught her eye. He was taller than the others, with hair black as a raven's wing during a storm, freckles scattered across his face, and eyes the color of amber honey in a crystal glass. He seemed beautiful to her.

"Could this really be love at first sight? That doesn't exist," she thought at the time, not knowing just how deeply she'd fall for him... and how she'd end up ruining everything.

She wanted to get to know him, and it seemed she sort of succeeded. She kept her feelings to herself, silently observing. One day, while playing with her classmates, someone asked, "Who do you like?" Ksenia, not expecting the answer to go public, admitted it was the new boy. Unfortunately, within minutes, the whole class knew. They began teasing her: "Bride and groom, kissy kissy!" It annoyed her so much.

Once, her classmates wrote him a note, pretending to be her, confessing love. Ksenia was sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone, when the boy walked up and said, "Did you write this?" She took the note, read it... A love confession. But it wasn't from her. She turned around and saw the girls giggling. She explained to the boy that the handwriting wasn't hers, even wrote something to prove it. He believed her and walked away. She felt awful—it was her own classmates who betrayed her.

Once, in P.E. class, he tripped and fell right at her feet. Everyone laughed: "Is that your move on Ksenia?" She just thought, "I hope he didn't hurt himself." She was embarrassed by the jokes.

Two or three years passed. She still liked him. It was now sixth grade, winter, around January–February 2023. She decided to get closer to him. She started talking to him more, asked if they could be friends—and he agreed. Ksenia was over the moon. He even wished her a happy birthday. But then came a tragic day—February 14, 2023.

That day, she got sick and stayed home. Suddenly, a classmate she used to be friends with called. She said, "Ksenia, [his name] and I got matching hearts from the game today, and he confessed he likes me." Ksenia hung up in silence. Shock, tears, anger—she texted him many horrible things in a moment of rage...

A few hours later, his mom (they had a shared account) saw the messages and wrote to Ksenia's mom. She figured out that Ksenia had feelings for her son and said, "Tell her not to get her hopes up. He doesn't love her and never will." Ksenia cried so hard, realizing what she had done. She was scared he would tell everyone about her family problems, the ones she had confided in him. (He didn't. Probably...)

From that moment, school became hell. The boy laughed at her, made rude comments. But she still gravitated toward him, craving attention.

A year passed—September 2023 to 2024.

A new girl named Nastya transferred into the class. She was short, thin, with eyes like a baby deer and golden-retriever-colored hair. She reminded Ksenia of him—just as sweet. Ksenia and Nastya became friends quickly. One day, Nastya asked her: "Ksenia, please don't be mad, but I like [his name]. They told me you've liked him for a long time. Do you still have feelings for him?"

Ksenia's world collapsed. Memories flooded in. Her heart felt pierced. She told her everything honestly.

After that, Nastya started spending more time with the boy. Ksenia continued chasing after him, while he kept mocking her.

Once, during a bomb shelter drill, everyone was sitting underground playing "Truth or Dare." Someone asked the boy, "Who do you like at school?" He said, "Everyone but Ksenia." — "Why?" — "Look at her. She's a freak."

That phrase was burned into her heart forever. The boy she loved with all her soul called her a freak. After that, she began self-harming. (She'll stop by the end of 2024.)

In public, she was the clown. At home, she just collapsed from exhaustion. At one point, she dared to ask: "Do you love me?" — "No," he answered. Her heart shattered. It was like Hanahaki disease—when unrequited love makes you cough up petals and blood.

She realized: he would never love her. But she kept clinging to hope. He kept pushing her away. Then Nastya confessed to him—and the feeling was mutual. Ksenia was happy for her friend, but deep down, it hurt. He appeared in her dreams. She was losing her mind.

Eventually, he crossed a line, and Ksenia told her mother. After that, he stopped mocking her and avoided her completely.
(He and Nastya later broke up—she left him.)

Early 2025

Ksenia understood many things. She realized how terribly she had behaved. She apologized to him many times. She knew she had only thought about herself and her feelings. She's ashamed. She hates herself for everything.

Now, they talk sometimes—as classmates. Ksenia tried to fall for others, but every new crush lasted no longer than three weeks. Her heart still belongs to him. She understood: you can't force love. Even if she loves him forever, she'll do it silently. She doesn't need his love—just his friendship. She wants to show that she's changed, that she's a good person. All she wants is his forgiveness...

She's trying to let him go. And she's succeeding. The feelings return, but she's learning to ignore them. She'll never forget him.

She wishes they could be friends, but she knows he doesn't want that. He's not interested in the person she's become. Trust can only be built with time.

He's still the same—beautiful, like in 3rd grade. Around 6'1". Freckles on his face, hair black as storm clouds, eyes like honey in an amber goblet.

Five or six years have passed, and he hasn't changed. The overweight girl is now trying to lose weight. And she's succeeding. She's doing it for herself. And a little—for him. Once, she asked him: "What are my flaws?" — "Idk... just lose weight and you'll be fine," he said.

Now she wants to transform over the summer. Her eyes are green, like the sea near emerald cliffs. Her hair—light brown with a reddish hue, like flame too tired to cry. Her style changes with her mood, and her makeup too. She's creative, versatile, passionate. Her only flaw—her weight. But she's working on it.

As of now — the end...

Thank you for reading.

Postscript:

Dear reader, if this story felt a bit too real—it's because it is. This is not fiction. This is my story.

I'm that girl—Ksenia. That's my real name.

I wanted to share this story with the world. Maybe it'll help me feel better. I know people who know me and this boy in real life will read it. I'm not afraid. I'm tired of being afraid—especially of my own feelings. I want to let go of the past. To live in the present. And that's why I'm telling this story. It's my path to freedom.

(By the way, Nastya is still a good friend. Still a golden retriever inside—though now her hair is fiery red, like sunlit copper.)

By telling this, I feel like I'm finally reaching acceptance.

If this story somehow reaches that boy, then let me say this:

Zakhar, I'm sorry. I treated you horribly. I'm deeply ashamed. I understand now. I'm letting you go. And I would be happy with just normal communication. Friendship—if you want it.

You're still beautiful. Your eyes are like dawn on the lips of February. Your hair—like clouds before a storm.

Please forgive me.

Author — Ksenia Borshchyk
Pen name — Koraoffc
My Telegram channel — @Koraoffc

Thank you for reading.
Now I can let this story go.